The Friendship Secret by Carla Barnhill

What we need is both far simpler and far more elusive than a larger circle of friends.

There are days when I think I’ll poke my eyes out if I have to read one more article about the power of girlfriends. I read these pieces and I think I know, I know, I know! Friends are great! I want friends! I don’t need to be convinced that friendship is a good idea!!

I don’t think any of us needs to be told we should have friends—are there really women out there who doubt this? I know that the people writing these articles have the very best of intentions for their readers. They know we sometimes feel lonely and isolated, and they want to help. I get that. But the help we need isn’t a push to make more friends or strengthen the friendships we have—we know that already. What we need is both far simpler and far more elusive than that. What we need is time.

Nearly every woman I know—old, young, single, married, with or without children—struggles to find the kind of time every friendship needs to thrive. When we’re young, friendships happen naturally because we spend the bulk of our time with other kids, other teenagers, other college students. But when we get a bit older, we spend our time doing everything but developing friendships—the responsibilities of life take over and leave little room for socializing. Even when we do spend time with friends, it’s a few hours on a Saturday or a quick lunch on a workday. And that’s simply not enough time.

The solution, then, becomes far more complicated than starting a book club or taking a girls’ weekend away. The solution is to reframe our lives so that friendship becomes the rule in our lives rather than the exception. Instead of squeezing our friends in to the leftover moments of our lives, we bring them into our lives in a more integrated way.

Here’s what I mean: Most of us live in categories. We have family, work, home, church, friends, hobbies, and other little boxes into which we put our time and energy. But what if we made it our goal to get rid of the boxes and find ways to mix these parts together and create a whole life? What would that look like?

For me, it looks like my church. I know not everyone has a church they adore, but I do and one of the things I adore most is that the people I see on Sunday are the same people I see on Monday and Tuesday and Wednesday. We eat meals together. We go to movies together. We go to each other’s plays and concerts and office parties. We paint each other’s houses and help each other move. We babysit each other’s kids and know each other’s parents.

For you, that community might exist at your office, or in your neighborhood. And it might take your effort to bring it into being. Communal life doesn’t happen by accident. It happens when you decide you want deeper relationships and so you invite everyone from the church over for dinner—really, we do this at our church. Or you let everyone in the office know about your birthday party. Or you offer to host a movie night for the neighborhood.

If someone is moving, offer to help. If someone is sick, offer to coordinate meals for their family. If you can’t do that, connect with friends through a Facebook account or a blog—there’s something profoundly relational about staying tuned in to the little details of other people’s lives. Serve, share, give, show up. It all makes a difference.

The Bible is filled with examples of communities that live and function together. In fact, nearly every book of the Bible tells the story of a community of people in one way or another. Our lives aren’t meant to be lived in little boxes. They’re meant to be integrated and interwoven with the lives of other people. That’s how we were created.

Community—and the meaningful friendships that come with it—doesn’t happen overnight. It takes time and intentionality to develop relationships. It takes a conscious effort to break out of our categories and mix and match the pieces of our lives with the lives of other people. But that effort pays off in a major way when we find ourselves surrounded by friends who know us and care about us and support us.

Source: http://blog.todayschristianwoman.com/walkwithme/2008/10/the_friendship_secret.html

Feeling Emotional

"Don't let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust also in me." John 14:1 (NLT)

Devotion:
Frustration hit me full force about a quarter 'til dawn. I woke up to find my child is sick, again. With my husband away on business, it was up to me to help the young boy who was standing beside my bed coughing. He's been sick the better part of the last 5 weeks. I thought he was finally turning the corner. I thought we were done with decongestants, germy tissues, and Clorox wipes. That is, until this morning. So the first thing I felt today was frustrated.

When my child is out of commission, it puts me out of commission as well. He is now behind on his school work, and I am now behind on about a half-dozen things. I could feel my stress level rising as I poured the cough syrup into the plastic measuring cup. I thought about the things I was supposed to accomplish today ... the meetings, the deadlines, the errands. A scowl settled into my forehead. I closed the medicine cabinet door with much more force than really necessary.

I felt sorry for my pitiful son. I also felt frustrated that my prayers had not prevented this relapse in illness. I felt angry that yet another day would be interrupted by some virus. And I felt bad because I knew I wasn't handling it well. I felt, I felt, I felt ...all I was doing was feeling, letting my emotions spread out and lay claim over every aspect of my day.

I have this notion in my head that a mature Christian wouldn't be feeling this way. Shouldn't I be so spiritual that I'm above getting upset over things like this? After taking care of my son, I sat down and scanned the gospels to see if Jesus ever felt emotionally strained. Sure enough, I found instances where Jesus is described as feeling "deeply troubled" and "distressed" (Mark 14:33, John 13:21, John 12:27, NLT).

If Jesus got emotionally agitated, then it's ridiculous for me to expect to go through life without feeling some stress. The problem isn't my emotions, it's my reaction to them. The trouble comes when I give them free reign in my heart and mind. That's when I become unstable. That's when I lose sight of God. That's when I say or do things I regret.

Jesus spoke today's verse to his disciples, knowing what their futures would hold. He knew His death was coming and it would trigger fear, sorrow and doubt in their hearts. Not wanting them to wallow in those emotions, He counseled them ahead of time to keep their focus on God and all that He'd been teaching them.

Jesus, knowing what our day holds, speaks the same words to us. He tells us to not let our emotions fly about today, creating an unstable and troubled heart. Instead, our trustworthy Lord tells us to focus our attention on Him.

I made the decision this morning to pray and place my trust in God, despite how my day was shaping up and despite how volatile my emotions felt. He calmed my anxious heart, and my son seems to be feeling better as well. It feels good to trade in my troubled emotions for a source of strength that will get me through my day. And that's one feeling I think Jesus would love for me to wallow in.

Dear Lord, I want to be ruled by Your Spirit, not by my emotions. Help me to focus on You today and not my troubles. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

BOOK REVIEW: Experience the Power of the Resurrection Every Day

The resurrection is more than just an event that happened once in history. It's the source of the power you can experience in your own life, every day. The same power that resurrected Jesus from death to life is available to you, and if you tap into it, you'll see amazing transformation in your own life, too.

Here's how you can experience resurrection power every day:
Use the power now, not just in heaven. Your hope of the resurrection isn't just for the future when you physically die and go to heaven; it's also for now, while you're living on earth and struggling with sin. Make use of that God-given power to help you overcome sin right now, and every day you're alive. Regularly confess your sins, repent of them, and embrace the forgiveness and grace God offers you to keep growing.

Trade religion for relationship. Instead of pursuing hope through performing religious rituals, believing right doctrines, or doing good deeds, realize that those things are valuable yet can't produce hope. Place your hope in a dynamic relationship with Jesus. As you live for Him, relying on His resurrection power at work in your life, you'll experience the fulfillment of all God's good purposes for you. Instead of focusing on what you can do for God, focus on what God can do through you.

Set eternal priorities. Ask God to help you see your life from His perspective. Look beyond the world's values (which are only temporary) to what has eternal value. Base your decisions -- for all aspects of your life -- on what matters most in eternity. Make the most of your time here on earth, keeping in mind that it will soon be over and you'll be accountable to God for how you used your time here.

Die to self. Remember that death must always precede resurrection. Be willing to sacrifice whatever selfish desires and agendas you have that conflict with God's purposes for your life. Decide to crucify your selfish attitudes and behaviors, so God will raise you to new life by transforming your attitudes and behaviors into healthy ones that will help you grow to be more like Jesus. Understand that, physically, you're born and live until you die, progressing toward physical death. But spiritually, you're dead until you're made alive through a relationship with Jesus, progressing toward eternal life.

Expect the impossible. Just as the resurrection itself was impossible for anyone but God, the power behind the resurrection will take you into situations that are impossible for you to deal successfully with on your own. Expect God to challenge your faith when you ask for His resurrection power in your life, but know that if you trust Him, you'll experience greater adventures than you can imagine.
Experience resurrection peace. You don't have to live with guilt and shame because of the resurrection's power to forgive your sins. Ask God to flood your soul with the peace of knowing that you're in a right relationship with Him. Recognize that if you're deliberately sinning against God, you can't be in a right relationship with Him, so deal with your sin so it doesn't block the peace God wants you to experience. If you want to experience the peace Jesus offers, you must come to Him on His terms, being willing to live the way He leads you to live -- the way that's best for you. Every day, repent of your sins, so you can enjoy true peace.

Experience resurrection joy. The freedom from sin and hope in Jesus that the resurrection produced brings great joy into your life. If you allow your constantly changing circumstances to control your life, you can easily lose your happiness. But if you allow the Holy Spirit to lead you, you'll experience joy, which will remain constant despite your circumstances. Unlike happiness, joy is more than an emotion -- it's the ability to see beyond your circumstances to the God who has ultimate control over them, and always acts according to what's best for you.

Use your resurrection authority. Make full use the authority you have as a Christian to lead other people to eternal life. The greatest power on earth is to see a person become born again. So, as valuable as it is to minister to people's physical needs, don't stop there. Share the Gospel message with other people as often as you can. By doing so, you'll be helping to release God's resurrection power into their lives. Stay closely connected to God so your life as a Christian will reflect the kind of character and obedience it should. Do your best to live faithfully to represent Jesus well. As other people see God at work in your life, they'll be attracted to Him. Every day, continue to pursue God passionately, and your passion for Him will spark the interest of others around you who can pursue Him themselves.

Experience resurrection confidence. Since God is on your side, you can be absolutely confident in His love and you don't need to be afraid of what the future holds. Whenever you encounter trouble in this fallen world, trust God to lead you through it and accomplish a good purpose in the process. Don't place your trust in anything lesser than God -- like your family, your health, your job, your talents, or your money. Give your allegiance wholeheartedly to God, and you'll experience confidence that can't be shaken by changing circumstances.

Experience resurrection hope. Your salvation means that you don't need to fear death. Expect God to fulfill all the promises He makes in the Bible, and trust those promises in your own life. Don't little life's petty annoyances weigh you down; realize that they're irrelevant compared to your eternal reward in heaven. Live with heaven in mind -- pursuing eternal values -- and rejoice in the hope you can experience every day.

Adapted from Experiencing the Resurrection: The Everyday Encounter that Changes Your Life, copyright 2007 by Henry T. Blackaby and Melvin D. Blackaby. Published by Multnomah Books, a division of Random House, Inc., Colorado Springs, Co., www.randomhouse.com/waterbrook.

Henry Blackaby, Ph. D., president emeritus of Blackaby Ministries, is the author of more than a dozen books, including the best-selling classic Experiencing God. He has spent his life in ministry, serving as a music director and as a senior pastor for churches in California and Canada. Today he provides consultative leadership on prayer for revival and spiritual awakening on a global level. He and his wife make their home in Atlanta, Ga. Mel Blackaby, Ph.D., coauthored with his father, Henry Blackaby, the Gold Medallion winner Experiencing God Together. He travels extensively as a conference speaker. He and his wife and their three children live in Cochrane, Alberta, Canada, where he serves as senior pastor of Bow Valley Baptist Church.

Face the New Year Without Fear

God's Word brings us a comforting promise, along with an insightful command as we face a New Year: "Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for He hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee. So that we may boldly say, The Lord is my helper, I will not fear what man shall do unto me" (Hebrews 13:5-6).

We can live this coming year without fear if we apply these four incredibly wonderful truths to our lives and root them deep into our hearts.

The Contentment of His Provision
Contentment is not getting what you want, but it is wanting what you already have. First Timothy 6:6-8 says, "But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out. And having food and raiment let us therewith be content." If you know Jesus Christ, you have contentment. If you've got clothes on your back, something to eat, and Jesus Christ in your heart, you're rich!

Do you know why we have fear? Because we think our needs or the needs of someone we love are not going to be met. Or we fear that the things we think are meeting our needs are going to be taken away from us. The deepest need of your heart can only be met in the Lord Jesus Christ.

The Companionship of His Presence
I don't know what I'm going to face next year. But there's one thing I know, He will never leave me. Are you a child of God? He will never leave you either. Isn't that wonderful!

What's another reason we may fear in the coming year? Because we're afraid we're going to have to face something we don't understand, and we're going to have to face it alone.

When God's Word promises that God will never forsake you, it literally means that He will never abandon you. He will not give up on you. We need to practice the presence of the Lord this coming year. When the devil comes and knocks at you heart's door, you can simply say, "Jesus, please go answer the door."

The Confidence of His Promise
We're going to zero in on a little phrase in our verses in Hebrews, "He hath said." A promise is no better than the one who makes it. Who says, "I will never leave thee nor forsake thee"? It is the omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent God. This is the confidence of His promise.

In the coming year, when you say, "God, I just don't have the strength." The omnipotent God will answer, "I will never leave thee nor forsake thee." When you say, "God, I'm afraid of what is going to happen." The omnipresent God says, "I will never leave thee nor forsake thee." And when you say, "God, I don't know what to do." The omniscient God will respond, "I will never leave thee nor forsake thee." He himself hath said it.

The Comfort of His Protection
Hebrews 13:6 promises, "So that we may boldly say, the Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do unto me." Now, put that with verse five which says, "He hath said."

Like I said earlier, I don't know what you're going to go through this coming year. But I know you can boldly say, "The Lord is my helper, so I will not fear what man shall do to me." When you find your contentment, companionship, and confidence in Jesus. Then, you'll find your comfort and courage in Jesus.